Monday, November 24, 2014

Deep Dark Holes

I spent a long summer and lots of the autumn in a deep hole of depression.  Scary deep.  Scary dark.  But I have clawed my way out again.  Without the support of my family, without the assistance of medical professionals, without the time and resources to do so, I probably wouldn't be here anymore.

I invented a new term.  Suicide by apathy.  I didn't really have any drive to do anything.  Even eating, drinking and sleeping left me feeling... Meh. I just didn't care to be living anymore.

But with lots and lots of help and love, and lots of incredibly hard mental work, I am through the tunnel.  I don't ever want to fall back in that hole, but unfortunately, it will probably happen again and again.  Nothing to do but keep doing the work I need to, and keep relying on others for support, which is really, really hard for me.

I like to believe I am self sufficient.  Able to face anything that comes my way.  To a certain extent I am, but I have come to realize that nobody is able to be completely independent.  It is part of the human condition to need other humans.  We are all programmed thusly.

So let me tell you from first hand experience... You are not alone.  It is so very, very hard to ask others for help, but do it if you need it.

It is hard to see out of that deep, dark hole sometimes.  Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to even try.  

But please try.

Reach out.  You'll be surprised at how many people will be there to help.