I never believed my folks when they would say "Just wait until you have kids." This was usually said after an argument where I knew I had done something stupid, but was too proud to admit it, and they were very angry, mostly because of the underlying fear of what I had just done.
I would say that when I had kids, it would be totally different. Now that I have kids, many of the things they said make perfect sense.
Now that we have a daughter, my wife is understanding some of the pressure I have been under the past four years with a little boy. The most important parenting lesson I have learned is this...
While I can tell him something fifteen hundred times before he understands or complies,
(don't poke the table with the fork. Said two dozen times at every meal. Still we have holes appearing with each feeding.)
What he observes me doing is what he will internalize and emulate.
Case in point. We drove through Wendy's the other day for supper. (Don't judge, it had been a long day, we were tired and hungry) After noticing that the employees had not put ketchup in the bag, I stopped the car and went in to get some. As I approached the door, another gentleman was headed in, so I held the door for him to go in first. I didn't think anything of it, as I do this pretty regularly. When I returned, The Wife said that after I had entered, our observant son said "Mommy, he opened the door for that man."
And this, for those of you that need a visual.
I had been out cutting up our butchered trees. I used the instructions and little chainsaw tool to tighten the chain. After I was done, I brought these three things in out of the weather and set them in the kitchen. Boyo looked at them a bit, then went off to his room and came back with his saw, a book, and a hammer, and put them there with mine.
Without even saying anything, he taught me that my little boy wanted to be just like his daddy. At first it was one of those 'Awwww, how cute!' moments, and I swelled with pride.
Then it became an 'Oh crap.' moment. Because I know just how imperfect I am. Like my father before me, I want him to grow up and have a better life than mine. (Not easy, since life is pretty darn great) But if he is emulating me, then I need to step up and live up to not only my potential, but sort of his as well. For any limits I put on myself, he might adopt. Any laziness or procrastination, even if I don't think he sees, he will see. So I find myself now motivated to become a better man for not only my wife, but my kids as well. And that brings a whole bushel of pressure along with it.
I know I will fall short in my own eyes. I know this because I have heard my own father voice regrets about raising us kids. But I'm hoping, like my view of my dad, my kids will see all of the fun stuff we do, and lessons learned, and day to day life lived, and look back on it with awe that I made it look so easy. My dad continues to be one of my very most favorite people, and second only to my wife, it is his praise and approval that I do things for. Now I add my kids to the list. (Play the song 'Pressure' by Queen as the soundtrack to this post.)
So, to all parents out there who live to raise awesome kids, as my parents did, as I and my siblings are trying to do, keep up the good work, and try not to let the pressure squash you into a bruised, whimpering, squishy human puddle.
More Later
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